In my last personal post, I wrote on getting back into the dating game as well as the possibility of building an intimate relationship with one of my good friends. Ever since dipping my toes in the water and with my friend – I had discovered, dating can be fun! I missed the intimate companionship, the inside jokes only couples get, and the look of adoration on each others’ face. I really missed it.
I have been single for the past three years and I had completely taken myself off the market. I concentrated on raising my son, worked a bit of freelance gigs, and started a small business (it went kaput – another story, another time maybe). I also started this blog as a means to stay sane while being a stay-at-home mom. It wasn’t until last Christmas that I decided that I wanted to go forth and seek out a mate!
For starters, I don’t go out anymore. I mean, I don’t stay out past 10pm unless it’s a special event or if I’m at the movies. My excuses are 1) I’m a mother of a very young child, 2) I’ve partied it up during my 20s and well into my early 30s – so much so I had a 30-something crisis and had a baby. Well, there’s more to that story, but I’ll delve into it another time. On top of which, going from bar to bar, nightclub to nightclub can be so exhausting. It was definitely fun during my 20s, but spare me. Nowadays, I just want to have a nice dinner (happy hour) with close friends and call it a night. I will also tell you right now, the percentage and success of finding “the one” at a bar or nightclub is (insert arbitrarily low number)%. Unless you’re in it for a one-night stand, to boost your ego + get free drinks, or you’re really that optimistic don’t bother expecting to find him/her on a night where everyone is getting considerably drunk.
I digress. This post is about online dating, right?
I’m a little old fashioned and a little lazy – so I chose Match. I’ve used it before when I met Cassidy, so I stuck with it. Considering Cassidy was a “hit” and not a “miss”. I say that he is a “hit”, because a type of relationship developed from it and he is still my good friend.
In my experience with online dating this year, I have had a few hits and lots of misses. My first date from Match this year was actually a hit, at first. Ken was really cute, a couple of years older than me, and there was a bit of chemistry. We went on three dates and decided we weren’t right for each other. We still text each other occasionally for no apparent reason.
The second person I met on Match was a miss. Joseph was really tall, really cute, also a couple years older, and really into me. So much so, that he always offered to drive me home from work, even though he lived the opposite way. I, however, felt no chemistry with him and had to let this one go.
I also met an ER surgeon. He was a major miss for me. We went to have happy hour and I could tell straight off the bat that he was very interested in me. Interested enough to ask me out again. I seemed to have weaseled out of this one.
Other major misses were via messages on Match. I have received some really inappropriate messages or indecent propositions of which I would not respond and block the offenders. There were also some very persistent guys who have messaged me repeatedly in hopes that I would respond someday – these guys actually “stalk” my profile, since Match gives users the option to view who has looked at our profiles.
user – janicecandy: “Does anyone know if Match is down? There’s this guy I’m seeing and I want to know if he’s seeing someone else, since you can see when and how long they have been online. Hahaha You know everyone does this!”
user – jamesgrayston: “Umm… janicecandy… stalker much?”
These comments were taken from “www.isitdownrightnow.com”. Yes, people stalk on Match and can view when you’ve been online or how long you have been off the website. Please don’t behave like janicecandy.
During one point I quit Match and went to eHarmony for one week. EHarmony, so I’ve heard, are for people who are serious about looking for a long-term relationship. I did, indeed meet a … um … hit/miss. Well, inconclusive. I say this because we still text and, at times, when I see him now and then I still feel there’s something there, an attraction, but I’ve been hesitant to start anything with him again.
One thing about eHarmony, though, is that it is very structured and limited. People can look at this as a positive or negative. For instance, it doesn’t allow you to browse through profiles as freely as Match does. You also have to go through a hurdle of multiple choice questions and essay text fields with a potential date before you’re allowed to “email” them.
After dating Mr. Inconclusive for a couple of months (hey, I have a new name for him! Better than the one I was calling him before, Big D – no, it isn’t what you’re thinking, get your mind out of the gutter!), I went back on Match and the weirdest thing happened. Almost every guy I encountered was named Chris or Christopher. I wasn’t sure what the universe was trying to tell me, but apparently I was going to meet a Chris whether I liked it or not. And a Chris I had met… a heartache ensued.
Ah… another time, another place, another story.
There are some ups and downs to online dating – and dating, in general. All you can do is prepare yourself to prevent a roller-coaster of emotions. However, always have fun, never expect anything from the person you just met (trust me, it will save you from wondering why he hasn’t called you or text messaged you), and set your boundaries. Always go into dating knowing what your values are and stick with them. Never settle for anyone less, even if he is a charmer and makes you think you are their world. Also, if he doesn’t call you back or ask you out again, just know that he was not the one for you – there are 7 billion people on this planet and there is one who is right for you.
Did you enjoy this post? What’s your experience with online dating?